Rejection 32: Get a Free Room at a Hotel
It's Christmas day, and it's bitter cold here in Austin. On Christmas, everything other than hotels and hospitals got shut down. Since I would welcome some warmth, I entered into Westin asking for a free room.
Through my rejection therapy, I have discovered that many times in business or everyday life negotiation, it's more about yes/no. When you get rejected with your initial request, it doesn't hurt if you can request something else. This is called "If you can't do that" principle discussed in Robert Cialdini's fantastic and classic book: Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. In this case, I got to see the Heavenly Bed, which I have always heard, but never experienced. In the end, it was a win (rejection + see something interesting).
Learning: Go into every negotiation with a secondary goal in mind. If you can't achieve your primary goal, ask for the secondary one. Your chance of getting a 'yes' would increase substantially with your secondary goal, since people really don't like to reject others twice.
The Need For Rejection
My rejection therapy has reached a 31 days, which is a full-month. I have learned more about communication and human connection in the past month than I had in my two years of business school. I have learned how to make a crazy request, stay calm and negotiate. As the result, I'm getting many yeses lately. Some of you have expressed that I am not getting rejected enough. Looking at my rejection score (58%), I agree. While I am ecstatic about my own progress and your support, I don't want complacency to set in. A rejection therapy is supposed to be filled with rejections, especially the ones that are well thought out and executed, but still rejected. Moreover, rejection therapy is about getting out of my comfort zone. If I am getting comfortable with acceptances, I will need to look for more rejections.
There are things I can't control, such as my appearance/accent (for good or for bad), my communication effort (I want to apply my learnings and do my best), and people's reaction to my request. One thing I can control, however, is the degree of craziness of my request. To take it to the next level, I want to increase the difficulty of my requests. Feel free to email me at jia at fearbuster.com if you have suggestions. Please remember my criteria:
1. It is crazy and difficult, but physically possible and fun. Anything involves jail, hospital/mental institution, or rewriting physics won't work, ie. I won't ask someone to fly off the building.
2. It is something I'm willing to do. Exchanging underwear with strangers might be fun for the viewers, but not for the people doing it.
3. It is moral/ethical. I won't undermine my family or make any false claim during my rejection session.
Thanks again for your support. Your heartwarming emails and comments are really making my journey a memorable and worthwhile one. I hope it is to you guys too.
I wish you a Merry Christmas!
Rejection 31: Be Santa to a Santa
It's the time of the year again - gifts, decoration and yes, taking your kid to Santa in the mall for pictures. I have always wondered that Santa probably sat there for hours and days for these pictures, and have hundreds, if not thousands of kids sitting on his laps. Now, we all have a kid in us. Does Santa want to sit in someone's lap too? On Day 31 of my rejection therapy, I went to the mall that Santa sits, and offered him my lap.
There is a reason that the phrase "return the favor" exists. Just like a massage therapist would enjoy a massage him/herself, a Santa would also enjoy sitting on someone's lap.
Learning: Don't be afraid to offer someone his/her own service. Don't assume because that person does it everyday, he/she wouldn't enjoy it done to him. After all, the golden rule says "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Rejection 30: Slide Down the Firepole at a Firestation
In one of my favorite song - Superman, by Five for Fighting, the lyric goes "even heroes have the right to bleed". For firefighters, they bleed, sweet and risk their lives to save lives. Now, do they have the right to reject? I went into a fire station to test it out.
They say policemen are hated, and firemen are loved. You can easily find out why the ladder is true. Firemen have vehicle, thought not a tumbler; they have uniforms, though not a bat suit; they have tools, though not a utility belt; they have call signals, though not a bat light in the sky. But they are truly the real-world version of batman.
Learning: 1. showing someone your respect will go a long way before you make any request. However, don't flatter or manipulate, be genuine and don't go overboard. Everyone wants to be loved and respected, especially the people who risk their lives to keep you safe. 2. After we watch news where predominantly bad news are broadcasted, we sometimes ask ourselves, where have all the good people gone? Well, they are everywhere. When you have time, feel free to stop by a fire station and show your appreciation. Again, giving someone praise is beneficial to everyone.
Rejection 29: Learn Making Chai Tea From Barista
When someone challenges you to do a rejection therapy session right there, it's called taking a dare. That's exactly what happened when Fidel Martinez, the reporter from DailyDot.com (article here), asked me to demonstrate how rejection therapy works in a coffee shop. I got up and walked to the very charming barista - Daniel, and asked her to teach me to make her favorite drink.
When faced with a unusual request, Daniel said 'yes' faster than I could blink, which really surprised me. On one hand, she has the personality that could melt most people. On the other hand, she mentioned that she loves this type of request, so she can have fun during her job too.
Learning: A sweet personality can't be manufactured or trained. A good barista, or any customer service rep is justified to say 'no', or to hesitate in saying 'yes' to unusual request. However, it's the non-hesitating 'yes' and going the extra mile that create a wow moment. I suggest any company wanting to offer great customer service to spend more effort on hiring than training, because people like Daniel and Jackie were made much earlier than they were hired by their companies.
Rejection 28: Make a Sale For Best Buy
There are many things to be said about the demise of Best Buy, especially how online sites like Amazon are kicking its butt. However, I still go there once in a while, mainly if I need in-person help to choose a product. I have always felt advices from peers rather than from sales person are a lot more powerful. So I ventured into Best Buy on my 28th day of Rejection Therapy to offer their sales rep to help them making a sale.
Sean (#1) couldn't stop trying to sell me products even I made my intention ample clear. I feel a good sales person would not force feed a message to a non-receptive audience.
Shawn (#2) however, either by design or chance, made a very smart move by changing the topic of the conversation from my request to my company. It in turn helped me to make a sale for my own product to him.
Learning: 1. One of most effective ways to reject someone, especially someone who is persistent like myself, is to defect the request by changing the topic. People are mostly interested in talking about themselves and their interests. So if you can get them talking, you have probably made a successful non-contentious rejection. 2. Sales is about knowing the customers and their needs. If the customers made it very clear what their needs are, don't try to change their needs and force your message on them.
Rejection 27: Getting Donation For Charity on The Street
I drive by at least a few panhandlers per day. I have never imagined to be one myself. However, Karen from North Carolina wrote me an email describing how tough it is for her to ask for money, even for someone else or for charity. To experience this myself, for hopefully the only time in my life, I took a sign to the street and asked for money for Austin Food Bank. The entrepreneur in me prompted me to test out different signs to gauge their effects.
When you don't normally ask for money, doing so in a public setting can be excruciatingly difficult, as I found out. Among all the panhandlers, those who are honest and are in real need of money for their families, my heart goes out to them. It hurts pride to do this.
Learning: 1. Messaging matters a ton in any requests, whether it's asking customers to buy your product, or asking strangers to give you money for charity. Make sure your message is specific enough that people know where their money is going. 2. Be very careful in using humor. If the humor is not well-designed (like in my case) or in the wrong environment (charity), it could backfire big time.
Tragedy, Rejection and Hope
On 12/14/2012, the unthinkable happened. a gunman went into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, and killed 20 students and six adults. Just like everyone, I was shocked initially, and went into mourning and reflection. At night, I made this vlog to share my thoughts on what happened.
Rejection 26: Give a Lecture to College Students
I have always wanted to give a lecture to students. After receiving a variety of rejections/acceptances in the past month, I am becoming an expert on rejection. I believe using rejection to propel yourself in life would be a very useful topic for students. On Day 26 of my rejection therapy, I visited University of Texas and pitched my talk to business school and communication school.
Just like in business, market timing and sales channel are everything. It really doesn't matter what my talk was, because I went in cold without an introduction, I couldn't get anywhere in the business school. I got really lucky with a professor in the communication school, who valued what I offered.
Learning: 1. Product, sales pitch and brave spirit mean very little without the right access and distribution channel. Sometimes it's not about what you say, or how you say it, it's about whom you talk to. 2. If you have a dream or something to offer, DON'T EVER be afraid to offer it. Someone might need it, and someone might be waiting for it for a long time.
Rejection 25: Dance With a Dancing Santa
Very similar to Rejection 16: Ring a Bell For The Salvation Army, today's episode was about me spotting a person on the street whom I usually don't give a second thought to. That person was a dancing sign holder. I wanted to hold the sign for him and learn some dance moves from him.
Learning: 1. Someone finally taught me how to dougie 2. Life is so much more fun and colorful if we simply slow down and don't walk by everything.
Rejection 24: Exchange Training With a Personal Trainer
A personal trainer's job is give me physical training for my money. However, I believe an hour of my time could also be valuable, if used correctly. Especially in the area of technology, entrepreneurship and blogging, I feel I have a lot expertise to offer. On day 24 of my rejection therapy, I ventured into 24 Hour Fitness to exchange 1 hour training session with a fitness trainer.
Instead of getting physical training, I receive a rejection training. Jordan is the type of person who really knows how to say 'no' to people. These are the types of things you don't realize when it happens, but only catch them during post analysis.
Learning: A good 'no' should include 1: a reason/consequence 2. a path/alternative to a 'yes' 3. patience and respect. In the case of rejection, it's really not what you say, but how you say it.
Day 23: Be a Greeter at Starbucks
Assuming salary doesn't matter, do you think being a greeter at a store like Walmart is an easy job? All you do is to say hi to people, smile and get paid, right? Well, I'm trying to find out myself. To not competing with Walmart employees, I decided to do it at Starbucks.
Being a greeter is not easy, especially if you count the boredom and weird looks this job receives.
Learning: 1. When people have no intention in carrying a conversation with you, they usually won't. Don't take it personally when they walk by. 2. Job satisfaction has a lot less to do with physical effort and ease, but more to do with human interaction and fulfillment. Even for a job like greeter, who has to communicate constantly, the quality of the communication is what matters, not quantity.
Day 22: Getting "Thai Torture" at Amy's Ice Creams
When you were little, have you ever thought about funny things such as digging a hole through earth or inventing your own ice creams flavor? I tried the former at age 11, and the latter today. While the hole went two feet deep before my neighbor called my mom, I wanted to carry through the ice cream invention. On day 22 of my rejection therapy, I went into Austin's favorite Amy's Ice Creams asking for "Thai Torture", a flavor I made up and might patent someday.
Learning: I have learned by now that the first 'no' should almost never be the end negotiation/discussion. Many times, the other party need your help to collaborate on an alternative solution. Always keep your head cool, always keep your options open, always probe for more. You never know what you might discover in the end.
10 Audacious Rejections
It’s been 24 days since my start of the Rejection Therapy. I feel I haven’t grown this much as a person in this short amount of time since my first month after losing my umbilical cord. It is both surreal and amazing. Many of you have asked me: 1. Are you going to finish all 100? 2. What’s next? #1 is easy – absolutely. #2 took some thoughts. While it will be fun and character-building to get rejected by strangers 75 more times, which I will still do, I want to use the confidence and skills I learned for 10 audacious requests, the things I want to achieve during the rest of my life here on Earth. I will prepare my heart and soul for these requests, and when I get rejected, it will hurt. I want to remember these rejections, desensitize myself from the pain, and work for the rest of my life to achieve these goals.
To start, I want to give a lecture to students. Coming from a family of teachers (my grandparents, father and uncle were all professors/teachers), I have always wanted to be a teacher someday. Now, I will use my experience both as an entrepreneur and a rejection therapy blogger to prepare as hard as I can for a 30-to-45-minutes talk to students. The title will be “Hope From Nope”, and the topic will be how to handle rejections to propel yourself forward in life.
This Wednesday, I will visit a local college here in Austin, and make the request to give a lecture. I will more than likely to be rejected, but this is the type of rejections that are painful and worth experiencing, just like having my sales pitch rejected by customers and investors. And I am inviting you to follow my journey.
Day 21: Ask Strangers for Compliments
Dan Ariely, the bestselling author of Predictably Irrational and The Upside of Irrationality, and my professor at graduate school, proposed an interesting experiment for my day 14 Rejection Therapy: give $5 to five random people Now his crazy mind is back at it again. On Day 21, he proposed that I ask for compliments from strangers and see if I get rejected. The theory is that people are reluctant to ask/give compliments to others. However, when it happens, everyone is happy afterward. Is he correct on both of those two hypotheses?
The first one was one of the hardest rejection attempts I have ever done. It was more awkward than asking my homecoming date 12 years ago. However, as I kept at it, I started enjoying it much more, and in the end, I loved it. The compliments to me, though solicited, were from strangers. They indeed made me feel very happy and confident.
Learning: 1. People are more than willing to say nice things about others when given the opportunity. As my rejection therapy suggests, it could be harder to reject giving compliments than to agree to it. 2. Compliments, in a way, is like sex for married couples. In Paula Szuchman's book It's Not You, It's the Dishes, everyone thinks that the more sex the merrier for married couples, and they are completely free to do it. However they somehow set up emotional barriers so they don't get to enjoy it as much as we want. I feel the same way about compliments. We should all try this - asking/giving compliments to strangers or loved ones. I promise you will feel happier afterward.
Day 20: Jeff Probst Show
Jackie Braun (Krispy Kreme magician who wowed the world), Jason Comely (the inventor of the Rejection Therapy Game) and I appeared on the Jeff Probst show (Jeff is the host of the Survivor). I made my crazy request to Jeff during the show, which will air in Mid-December.
Day 19: Make Announcement on a Southwest Flight
Rejection therapy is on the go. Flying out of Austin this morning, I asked Southwest employee Jeff if I could make the safety announcement before the flight takes off. When I tried similar things at Costco, I got a free meal. Now I'm trying this on a flight, the results floored me.
I hadn't been this nervous for years. Not only I was making a public speech that probably very few other customers have ever attempted before, I did it on a plane where things could be perceived in a very wrong way. Listening to myself, I felt I spoke way too fast. It was a classic sign of nervousness and insecurity, as pointed out by Olivia Cabane's fabulous book The Charisma Myth.
Learning: 1. Again, you just never know what might happen if you don't ask. 2. When nervous, take a deep breath and slow down. You can gain so much confidence when you just slow down and pronounce every word clearly.
Day 18: Give Weather Forecast on Live TV
I was in Austin's Fox News studio doing an interview about my 100 rejections journey this morning. Before I came on, I saw the weather forecast and thought I could do a good job. So I asked to do it at the end of my interview.
With lights and camera in my face, the pressure was on. It would be tough to pursue my request after the first no, like I did in other situations. However, this was two days in a row when I didn't ask 'why' after the initial rejection, which I'm not proud of. Also, I should have offered alternatives, such as asking her to talk to the producer, and maybe invite me back after my 100 days for the weather forecast.
Learning: same as yesterday, if the person say 'no', kindly ask why, and then offer a lesser alternative if the initial request isn't granted. This is Robert Cialdini's theory of concession in his book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.
By the way, I want to thank Fox for the story. Other than getting my name wrong (I'm Jia Jiang, not Jia Jang), it was a story very well put together.
Day 17: Borrow a Dog From the Humane Society
As a dog lover who isn't in a position to adopt a second dog, I ventured into the Austin Humane Society to borrow one for a day.
This was one that I felt got away from me. Just like the car salesman, the lady kept saying 'no' without giving me a reason other than "we don't do it here". I should have asked why and hear her side of the story. If there was a reason, maybe I could have worked on the reason instead of the issue itself.
Learning: remember to ask 'why' after a 'no'. Even if the rejection is for sure, it's good to learn the reason behind the rejection.
My Interview With Larry Olson's Working Radio
Interview with Larry Olson's Working Radio Show I had fun talking with Larry about why I did my rejection therapy, the Jackie story and my future plans.