Rejection 50: [Special] - My Only Day at New Job
On day 34 of my rejection therapy, I went out and looked for a job, and got it at BigCommerce, an Austin-based eCommerce and web hosting company. Today, I reported for duty and had my one day employment there.
My day at BigCommerce can be described as fun, engaging and surprisingly emotional. I knew the company is a good place to work just based on my interaction with the kind and gregarious Jennifer. What I didn't know was the company's family-like culture. People were extremely hospitable to me, chatting with me about my experience and sharing why they are proud to be a BigCommerce employee. As a proponent of strong company culture, illustrated in Tony Hsieh's book - Delivering Happiness, I was very delighted to witness the pride and mission BigCommerce employees showed. Yes they are a high-growth business whose goal is to make money, but they also possess a desire to empower their customers to make them successful.
At the end of the day, the company held a All-hands meeting, where all Austin-based employees shared their news and thoughts with each other. There was one employee talked about his family going through tough times due to his wife's illness. He held back tears while describing how the company is like his family in pulling him through the hardship. I have been to many company all-hands and culture-talks, but I haven't seen anything so human and so genuine like what I witnessed that day.
If you are a business owner and would like to build an online store, I would highly recommend BigCommerce. You will be in good hands.
About rejection therapy - at the end of the day, I gave a speech on my journey, the topic of 'rejection', and good customer service. It was very well received and we all shared insights and laughters together. I also requested to have my picture to appear on BigCommerce.com. The idea was from Cori Carroll from Florida, and it was ingenious. BigCommerce actually followed through on the request and put me on their homepage.
Learning: as a business, if you are generous and genuine to your employees, they will have exceptionally high morale and pride, and bring happiness to your customers. If not, don't be surprised to be rejected by both of them.
Rejection 49: interview a Panhandler
One thing I found about Rejection therapy is that it is not only about dealing with rejections, but also about having the courage to ask for things you normally don't ask, or meet people you usually don't meet. In this case, I went to talk to a panhandler on a highway intersection. I shook his hand to hear his heart-breaking story - a Vietnam war veteran with a young wife and little kid, who has a heart disease that needs operation. He was collecting money so they can go to another city for the operation. I am very glad to have done this, because I mustered the courage to talk to someone I usually avoid, and got to hear his story and tell the world about it.
Learning: we are programmed to behave a certain way in our society, and stepping out of the norm could be a painful experience. However, just like rejection therapy, when you are out of your comfort zone, you get to experience unexpected and sometimes amazing things.
Rejection 48: Bike Race at Toys R Us
Today I stopped by Toys R Us to pick up a new crib for my baby son. While there, I wanted to be a kid myself and ride a child bicycle. Also, I wanted to see if an employee can share my pursuit for fun and race me inside the store.
This was a session when I felt a little disappointed, mainly because I already got a yes from an employee, only to be overturned by the manager. This confirms what economists describe as loss aversion, that the magnitude of negative feeling of losing something is stronger than that of positive feeling of gaining the same thing. It also teaches people that don't say 'yes' unless you know you can deliver. Otherwise you might really disappoint the other party.
Learning: the oldest rule in sales/customer service - under-promise, over-deliver.
Rejection 47: Pump Gas for Others
In this video, I wanted to see if random people would reject my service of pumping gas for them on a very cold day (using Texan standard). In a way, this session is the opposite of Day 45 - Putting Sunglasses on Random People, when I asked others to do random things for me.
The results were also the polar opposite. I got overwhelming 'no's instead of universal 'yes', like when I asked for strange favors. It's interesting to see that people are more burdened by receiving unwanted favors than giving them. I had to convince a woman to get one yes out of five tries.
Learning: Sometimes it's much easier to give than to take. Our human nature prevents us from owing favors from others. Next time if you want to get a rejection, just offer strangers random favors for no reason.
Rejection 46: Borrow $100 Bills From Bank for Paper Plane Fight
Today I met Todd OBrien (@ToddOBrien3), a sales professional in Austin and a former colleague at Dell. After a coffee chat, Todd asked me if he can go on a rejection trip with me. After getting to know him, I felt comfortable with saying 'yes'.
I took Todd to a bank, where he asked the clerk to fold $100 bills and play paper airplane with us. Todd was a cool customer, literally. He used his people skills and sales training to persuade the bank clerk to say 'yes', however reluctant, to our request,
I was able to observe the encounter from a third person perspective. Interestingly, it felt completely different from doing it myself. I had a strange sense of calm and anticipation, very similar to the time when I took the Businessweek reporter to dance with a Santa, exchange training with a trainer, and give a talk to college students. It was like doing an adventure with a friend.
Famous author Malcolm Gladwell talked about this phenomenon in his book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, that two police officers working together can sometimes lead to strange and dangerous behaviors, because they feel emboldened by the presence of their partners. I am not a police officer, just a rejection therapy patient, but I also felt the same way.
Learning: in most interpersonal interactions, whether it's a sales trip, car purchase negotiation, or police patrol, having another person on your side can feel very empowering. The added confidence and comfort can help you in getting what you want.
What Do You Want the Most? What Do You Fear the Most?
My personal journey has given me the opportunity to view and experience rejection in a whole new different level. I no longer see rejection as something negative. Rather, I see it as a way to improve, understand and collaborate. To understand rejection better, I conducted a very simple experiment on Twitter and found something interesting. For the past 10 hours, I searched and collected every tweet with the word 'rejection' in it, and analyzed the content through a simple word counter. I found that other than 'rejection', the most common words in those tweets are 'want', followed closely by 'fear'. My hypothesis is that rejection comes from us wanting something. However, because we want it bad, we fear getting rejected.
Using my personal example, I want to be a successful entrepreneur, so much that I quit my job to pursue this dream. However, because of that strong desire, I feared to be rejected with an investment opportunity that would dramatically increase the likelihood of success.
Luckily, instead of retreating to a safe environment, I shared with the world about my fear (of rejection) and desire (to conquer rejection and achieve success), and then put myself in public to work on my issues through rejection therapy. Professional wise, this has been the best decision I've ever made.
Now, for those of you who would like to share with me, I want to know what you want the most, and what's your biggest fear. Maybe by declaring what we want/fear, we can all work to overcome our fear and get closer to what we want.
Ideas Needed for Rejection Request at BigCommerce
On day 34 of my rejection therapy, I went out and looked for job, and got it at BigCommerce. I followed through with Jennifer and the company after the video, and will make it happen. Today, I will work there for a day. Here is a list of my possible tasks:
* Man the reception area, greet visitors, answer phone
* Prepare meeting space for All Hands meeting
* Put beer in fridge
* Run errands
* Inventory office supplies
* Spend some time with 'success squad' (on the phone with clients)
* Discuss major acquisition targets and potential IPO dates
OK, I added the last item on my own. Whatever the job is, I plan to do my best and leave a good impression for the day. I will also post my learnings and experiences through video or writeup.
Rejection 45: Put Sunglasses on Random People
Through my rejection therapy experience, I learned that the weirdness of my request isn't always positively correlated to rejection rate. In this session when I was trying to play soccer in someone's backyard, the owner said 'yes' because the request was so "off the wall". Today, I wanted to make another weird request - asking someone to put on sunglasses for no reason.
I was very surprised at the time that everyone said 'yes' to my request. Then, after some thoughts afterward, I found that I shouldn't have been surprised at all.
1. The request was very harmless. Unlike when I was trying to partner up with someone to buy lottery, there is no downside in accepting my request.
2. Even though there was no justification for my request, there isn't a legit justification for a rejection either, other than "I don't feel like it". Putting myself in their shoes, I feel it's probably harder to say 'no' then 'yes'.
Learning: 1. It is hard for people to give rejections, and even harder to reject harmless and easy requests. 2. If you want to get a 'yes', making a weird request is much better than making a dangerous request.
Rejection 44: Dance on Security Camera
I have seen many variations of the Gangnam Style dance by now - flash mob, cheerleaders, on stage, in studio... you name it. I have been thinking about how I can work it into rejection therapy. Like all my requests, it has to be fun but very rejectable. And one day, when sitting in a sports bar, spotting a security camera on the ceiling gave me this idea. No, it's not quite like when Isaac Newton got hit by an apple, but I did get a little inspiration out of it.
I made my request after carrying out a discussion about medication with the pharmacist - Tasha. I found the chance of getting a 'yes' for a request goes up significantly after establishing a relationship with the person. In this case, Tasha said 'yes' to my favor even before I could explain what the favor was.
Learning: 1. As long as you are observant, inspiration can come from anywhere. 2. Building a rapport before making a request is one of the oldest communication techniques, and it is highly effective. 3 If every pharmacist is as sweet as Tasha, people would get sick much more often.
Rejection 43: Hug a Walmart Greeter
Hugging a stranger as a random act of kindness isn't new, as you can see in the Free Hugs Campaign. However, I want to hug a Walmart greeter because on my 23rd day, I experienced how thankless their jobs are. I wanted to tell them I appreciate their work.
To my dismay, Walmart removed all greeters from their post. Fortunately, I was able to meet and carry out a very nice conversation with Michelle, who worked at customer service. Michelle not only showed her support to the greeters, but also accepted my hug. I left feeling better, even though I still felt bad for the greeters.
A business is composed of these groups of people: management, employees and customers (we are leaving suppliers and shareholders out of this conversation). With management making decisions for the business, whose voices are valued the most says a lot about the company's priorities. In the case removing greeters, I have received more than a few comments from both Walmart customers and employees disagreeing with this decision. I suspect their voices aren't being heard. Remember, the people whom you neglect will ultimately be the ones who reject you.
In some sense, that's why I am such a fan of Costco. In this fascinating documentary Costco Craze, we see that this retail giant always values customers and employees over anyone else, even at the cost of making profit. Now that's a philosophy I can get behind.
Learning: neglect is a form of rejection. When you neglect someone, don't be surprised to be rejected by them in the end.
Rejection 42: Write an Article for Businessweek
I was very honored to have my 100 days of rejection therapy story written by Claire Saddath of Bloomberg Businessweek. Claire spent two days with me covering the story, during which I asked another outrageous yet audacious request - to write an article for Businessweek.
Although I got rejected, I do want to write better and hopefully a book about rejection someday.
Learning: inaction is a lot more fearsome than action. Just like the origin of my rejection therapy, when you want something and get rejected, that when real aspiration and improvement develop.
Rejection 41: Sit in Police Car's Driver's Seat
Rejection is feared, and so are people with authority. Rejection from people with authority is terrifying.
In our society, police officers often represent authority, especial when they are handing out speeding tickets. Moreover, with guns, handcuffs and pepper sprays on their belts, they don't have the most welcoming present. Compounded by the fact that police officers are often portrayed in a dramatic and negative lights in the media and on the web, very few people walk up to them to strike up a conversation.
To test and conquer fear, I wanted to get rejected by anyone, including people with authority. Therefore, I walked up to an officer asking to do something I have always wanted - sitting in the drive seat of a police car.
After some nervous laughter and sweating, I was surprised by how easy he let me do it. There was no negotiation, just a straight 'yes'. After all, police officers are just people like you and me. Being treated with respect, they often give respect back. However, their jobs have also trained them to sense unusual body languages and behaviors. Had I been overly nervous or presumptuous, it might have turned out differently.
Learning: people with authority are people first. They are governed by the same physical and emotional rules like the rest of us. Don't act weird in front them, or you might get an easy rejection, or worse.
Day 40: Partner Up to Buy Lottery
As a graduate school student of Dan Ariely, who is the author of Predictably Irrational and The Upside of Irrationality, and a wizard in using experiments to understand human nature, I went to do this rejection session with one goal in mind - to test out the economics of giving money to strangers vs investing money in them. I started out by asking a stranger to give me money - $0.6. After she agreed, I would then propose that the money is part of buying a $2 lottery ticket, and I would be sharing half of the winning ($30M out of $60M) with her if I win. So in a way, instead of giving me the $0.6 for free, she would be investing it in my lottery venture, and be receiving a disproportionally good return (investing 30% of the money and get 50% of return). Would the extra knowledge change her answer? Would it make her more eager? Or would she not care?
First of all, I want to thank Shawna for giving me the $0.6. She is one kind and cool lady. Secondly, knowing the principle of A/B testing and statistical sample size, and I know this experiment is far from being scientific. However, it's a rejection therapy with a test in mind, and the results made me think:
On the surface, Shawna's rejection of my offer made no economic sense. Why would she give up the possibility of winning $30M? Had I won, wouldn't she be having the biggest regret of her life?
However, upon further examination, I concluded that Shawna made the correct decision after all, even using economics principles. Let's say the odds of me winning that power ball is 1 in 175 million. Since the prize is $60 million that day, the expected return for the $2 of 'investment' would be $0.34 (60/175), or $0.17 per dollar. Now with that type of return, Bernie Madoff's scheme looks like deal, but that's another story.
By giving up the chance for half of the $60M, Shawna basically threw away $0.17. However, to get this $0.17, she would have to pay these prices:
1. Shawna would have to write down her information and give it to a stranger - me. I am a guy who asked for $0.6 to buy lottery ticket, so I don't blame her if she doesn't trust me with her personal information.
2. The act of writing down her information will take about 1 minute. If Shanwn makes anything above $10.2 ($0.17x60) per hour, she would be underpaid for that act.
3. Shawna would also need to follow the drawing of power ball. If that effort takes at least 1 minute, the above math still works.
4. By changing from giving me money to investing money, Shawna would need to switch her mental state from being altruistic to being pragmatic. In many cases, mind-switch is a painful exercise.
5. Shawna might be against the idea of buying lottery in the first place. If that's case, she would be going against her own value.
6. It's $0.17, who gives a rat's rear?
Learning: there are many hidden costs with accepting requests from others. So when making such request, make sure you consider these costs, whether they are conscious or unconscious. Otherwise, you might get a rejection, even it doesn't make sense to you.
Day 39: Race a Random Person
When asking someone to do something, there is a big difference between a favor and a challenge.
A favor requires the requested to invest time and effort on behalf of someone else. When it comes from a stranger, its success tabs into the altruistic side of the request recipient.
A challenge, on the other hand, tabs into the competitive side of human nature. You can argue that Jackie accepted my request for Olympic ring donuts partly because it was both a favor and challenge.
In my case, because I ran into two people who are training for competition and are probably very competitive in nature, they accepted without hesitation.
Learning: When requesting something, consider turning a favor into a challenge. For example, when you ask for donation to charity from strangers, say "most people won't donate to charity through a stranger, but we would appreciate it if you are different and can help."
However, make sure to make it known that first and foremost, what you are requesting is a favor, so it doesn't turn into anything manipulative, which is both unethical and could backfire.
Day 38: Challenge a CEO to a Staring Contest
After walking into three businesses to get a job in one day, I started wondering what would it take to get the CEO to talk to a stranger like myself who shows up unannounced. I'm sure she wouldn't come out if I tried to sell something, offer a deal or look for a job. Then, what about I come in and ask something completely outrageous, fun and harmless? Would that do the trick then? Thanks to the idea from the Cullen family from Michigan, I went into Bloomfire, an online collaboration software company in Austin and challenged the CEO for a staring contest.
The CEO still wouldn't come out. However, the VP of Marketing, Heidi did. She was sports enough to accept my challenge and subsequently beat me. Although I didn't get what I ultimately requested, Bloomfire made me happy by providing an alternative which probably was the better results anyway, since Heidi was very fun to talk to. Had Heidi not come out or accepted my request on behalf of the CEO, I would have left feeling a little disappointed, although I was looking to get rejected. It wasn't fair/unfair, just human nature.
Learning: In the day when I was trying to exchange training with a trainer, I explained how to give a perfect rejection. I want to add one more - if there is no way to get a 'yes' to the original request, provide an alternative. For example, when you are in customer support, give a $10 credit to the angry customer. Remember, retaining an existing customer is 8 times cheaper than acquiring a new one. Over a period of time, $10 is a very small price to pay. Moreover, making an existing customer happy and appreciative is the central part of word of mouth marketing.
Day 36: Trim My Hair at PetSmart
The interesting thing about rejection therapy is the variety of things I can try. I can be very serious one day, like when I was trying convince someone to give me a job or a dinner date, and be more light-hearted the next day. On day 36, I tried to relate to my dog and convince the good people at PetSmart to give me a hair-trimming session.
One thing I found interesting was the power of encouraged humor. When I made the request, its outrageousness prompted Christina to laugh out loud. It immediately put my mindset into a humor/joking one, which led me to give out a series of jokes. While I was successful in getting rejected, the discussion was smooth and hilarious. Jon Stewart, one of my favorite comedian, once said he is extremely uncomfortable in an environment where there is no laughing audience. I can now understand why. Joking becomes so much easier when presenter senses a receptive audience.
On the other hand, laughing at someone's joke can put everyone at ease and even encourage creativity. In one of my favorite books on humor - Sh*t My Dad Says, the author started tweeting a few quotes from his father. People thought they were hilarious and gave very positive feedbacks. He started doing more and more, and eventually wrote a great book.
Learning: rejection or not, humor lubricates the conversation for both parties. When you are engaged in a negotiation session or sales pitch, be open to laugh at other's jokes. You will both come out feeling good. Unless, of course, the jokes are really bad or the other person wasn't joking. In that case, either say 'no' or just give him a hair-trim.
Rejection 35: Ask a Girl Out To Dinner
Rejection hurts, and the fear of rejection cripples. One of the most dreaded rejections comes from romantic settings, where people often associate rejection of the request (going out on a date) with rejection of the person. That's why many people are very afraid to approach the opposite sex with romantic requests. Based on how many people have requested that I randomly ask girls out as one of my rejection sessions, I believe you agree with me. However, since I am married with a kid, I will not do it as a date request. Rather, with my wife's blessing and encouragement, I asked girls out for dinner with both my wife and me.
This was one of the requests that my desire leaned heavily toward a rejection, even though I had much fun in the process. The prospect of having dinner with a stranger is somewhat exciting, but could also be awkward. Since I had this concern as a requester, one can only imagine how tough it would be to get an acceptance from the requested.
In term of romance, although I am not a relationship or pickup expert, as a person in a blissful marriage, I gained some perspective in this request. Whether or not I get a 'yes' here doesn't change the fact that my wife loves me and is very attracted to me. That's really all that matters. Moreover, even in a hypothetical world where I still hadn't met my wife yet, it still doesn't change the fact there is a woman (my future wife), who is a perfect match for me, would love me and be attracted to me. I just haven't met her yet. So even if I get rejected 100 more times, I shouldn't be discouraged, because I simply need to keep looking to find my wife.
Learning: When you get turned down with a date request, don't equate rejection with the idea that you are not attractive. You just haven't met your match yet. Keep looking!
P.S Because so many people have been inspired to also try out these rejection attempts on their own, I've put together a free downloadable PDF "100 Days of Rejection" checklist where you can go out and make these rejection attempts on your own! In the PDF I've also included my Rejection tool kit, which shows you the 5 most powerful ways to turn rejection into opportunity.Download Free Rejection Checklist!
Rejection 34: Get a Job in One Day
This is another one of my 10 audacious rejections. Looking for a job is tough. When I graduated from business school in 2009, I was right in the middle of the financial crisis that costed millions of jobs. Many people were struggling in the job market, and I was one of them. I wrote over 600 emails to network with people before I landed my job offers. Looking back, this was one of the toughest periods of my life.
I know many people can relate with my experience. Job search is difficult and feared because 1. we much rather be working, being productive and generating an income than writing resumes; 2. the uncertainty about today and tomorrow is suffocating; 3. it is a constant state of rejection. After you put your heart into a resume, a cover letter, and if you are lucky, an interview, the odds are you will still hear the dreaded 'no' and have to start over.
The reason I started my rejection therapy is to conquer fear. Since job search is one of the most feared phases in life, I decided to take it head on. This time, I brushed up my resume, listed five companies in Austin I wouldn't mind working for, and dropped in their offices cold looking for a job for one day only.
Why one day only, you asked? This is what I discovered from personal experience - working for free for a short period of time is a great door-opener for job searchers. Without the long-term risks, companies are more willing to try you out. Once you exceed their expectations, they will want to, and in some cases, beg you to stay. By then, you will have earned valuable experiences and turned the table in the job-searching negotiation.
"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith" - Paul in 2 Timothy 4:7. I feel I can relate to Paul for writing this verse of the Bible.
Much credit goes to Jennifer, whose curiosity, professionalism and kindness kept the conversation alive and gave me hope to come back. You can tell BigCommerce is a good company with quality employees by a simple glimpse into its workforce.
I hope my experience has demonstrated that if you are persistent, honest and willing to lower the risks for the other party, you can increase your odds of finding a job, making a sale, or negotiating a purchase.
Also, it's an interesting fact that all three ladies offered to either take my resume or give me a phone number for followup discussion. This is already much further along the process than simply applying for jobs online. For the people who are currently looking for a job, don't lose hope.
Learnings:
1. No matter what you do, persistence is the key to your success.
2. Be cognizant to other people's risks and obstacles. Offer actions to lower and remove them. When looking for a job, offer to work without compensation for a week. When making a sale, offer customers to try it for free for 10-days. This is the "Generating Options" principle discussed in Roger Fisher and William L. Ury's excellent book on negotiation Getting to Yes.
3. When others can't say 'yes' to the entire request, ask them to say 'yes' to the things they have control over, and go from there. When you get one 'yes', you are much further along than getting no 'yes'.
4. Just when all seem lost, don't lose hope and fight the battle one more time. You never know if you don't go back in there.
Rejection 33: Grill My Own Meat at Salt Lick
I love Salt Lick BBQ. Their pork ribs, along with warm weather and no income tax, are the three things I enjoy the most about Texas. On the other hand, my wife cooks a mean steak. I often wondered what would happen if I take my own meat with my wife's sauce and grill it on Salt Lick's famous open pit. Since I'm doing rejection therapy, I am more than willing to give it a try.
I encountered an unexpected change when Hector invited me to view the pit without me asking. He was welcoming and a great representative of my favorite BBQ restaurant. However, when I asked my crazy request, he had to ask someone else (JT) for permission. When he did that, I knew it wasn't going to happen. The layer between my direct contact (Hector) and the decision-maker (JT) was too much fiction, especially for a request that unusual and uneven.
Learning: It doesn't matter how charming, friendly and comfortable the front-line contact is, you should always always try to negotiate with the decision-maker directly. When the front-line contact has no incentive to be your advocate, it makes especially no sense. People don't like to give out rejections directly, but it is much easier to do so through another associate.